I'm terribly itchy right now.
I still don't feel like retracing the last five days to catch up on everything. I mean, mentally retracing is excellent, but to retype it all so late after the fact seems inappropriate for some reason.
Today, though, Brian and I slept in rather late. Then we sat around my room for awhile. I made some eggs and reheated some leftover burger-dogs from last evening. Then, Erin, him and I went to UDF for ice cream, then picked up my check. I had to fill out some paperwork, which left them out in the car much longer than I intended. :/ However, I did get some real encouragement from one of my bosses, who said they're all really impressed with my attitude and work ethic. With a job so great, how can I not have a good attitude and give them my best? Though, the credit should primarily go to God for answering my prayers of joy and faithfulness, among the other spiritual gifts, as they relate to working.
I made a pot-pie for dinner, which was mighty tasty, then we went to church to prep and practice for worship tonight. Brian and I, along with James Wallis and Eric Irvin, led for the high schoolers participating in the summer program called Accelerate. Tonight, a missionary (our new missions pastor, in fact) spoke on sharing our faith. We worked though our own stories and tried to condense them into three minutes. It was only intended for three people to share with everyone else, but eventually all twelve students, including Brian and I, had shared.
I really became rather vulnerable tonight. Not many people really know my story, even the three (well, four) minute version. Yet I felt oddly at ease and shared my life. Like I mentioned, this was particularly vulnerable for me, and I allow that to happen unbelievably infrequently. I'm not sure why, but I just let go, and it was good.
I think I need at least five minutes though.
Also, Andy Sieberhagen, the missions pastor, used the word "unpack" twice in about ten seconds. I always think of a couple of people when I hear that word... (And Brian was there, so I gave him a quick glance. :)
I've never quite understood how to put a smiley at the end of a parenthetical statement. The smile is also a close-parenthesis, and two of them looks odd, but one isn't really "right"...
In less recent news, I've been spending some time crafting music to accompany words I've written in months past. They're all so sad, and my mood is much better now. I don't really perceive a comfortable time sharing these songs (or words alone, even) with people. Perhaps it's merely because my moods no longer direct such words. Perhaps it lies in a fear of becoming too vulnerable. I'm scared of what people will think of me when they see how dark I've felt. I don't think anybody really knew how miserable I used to be, and I'm terrified friends would treat me differently, more fragile, if they knew. I'm beginning to tell people now, if they ask, but it doesn't seem "right" to sing songs that put these problems in the present. Yet, I cannot change them for fear of ruining the purity of that pain.
It's an odd paradox.
Well, it is late. I ought to retire.
Secondhand Serenade - Half Alive
(I love the whole CD on which this resides. Yet, it's been a year since I listened extensively. Oh, well.)